


Black, White, Gray

by malfestio



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M, someone tell him its ok to have feelings, this is supposed to be a look at akechis character, through the way he sees akira
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 15:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20473574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malfestio/pseuds/malfestio
Summary: Two boys play a game.





	Black, White, Gray

Akira seldom smiles. It would be out of the ordinary for him to smile freely, as he cloaks himself in an apparent lack of emotion as an unconscious method of self-preservation. Instead, Akira maintains his stoic face and keeps his voice at a monotonous level. He often smirks devilishly, but this smugness cannot be counted upon as a genuine display. When Ryuji tells a bad joke or Ann falls victim to her own clumsiness yet again, it sparks a laugh from somewhere within him, but even this is hollow. 

Akechi has spent enough time playing charades to identify them. 

Akira does smile honestly, though. Often when he thinks no one is looking, or when he and Akechi are in the private safety of Leblanc's attic, alone. He has a soft smile, gentle and laced with affection. It's thick and sweet like honey, and it has a comforting air that melts Akechi's insides. 

He hates that smile. 

He hates the dizzying warmth that it brings to his stomach, and he hates the drunken sweetness that attacks him and pounds his brain like a sickening headache. Akechi hates the way it stops his heart, catching it in a cage like a fluttering dove, stripping him of his walls, of his malicious intent, for just a moment. But his walls are nigh impenetrable, born from years of childhood torment, and so they are always raised again. His violent hatred spills back like a moat, now with twice as much strength, and he finds himself wanting nothing more than to fight back. He wants to slap that gentle, soft look off of Akira's face and hurt, again and again, until it's replaced with one of pain and agony. It would be so much easier to hurt him, Akechi thinks, than it is to allow the numbing heat that builds in his chest. But Akechi can’t hurt him, so instead he smiles back weakly, like an injured animal begging for mercy.

Yet for all his hatred, he craves more. 

'I hate you. I love you.'

How disgusting. How beautiful. 

Akechi hates Akira Kurusu for softening him, for making him feel. 

* * *

Joker has a different smile. His is infinitely more smug, devious and full of daring. Unlike Akira, he smiles often, always on some adrenaline high. His voice is different as well - it's strong, commanding, and brimming with excitement. It mirrors himself. 

Akechi hates this side of him too. 

Before, while stalking the alleged champions of justice through the Metaverse, it was the confidence, the cockiness, that he hated. Someone as low as Joker had no right playing leader. He had no right to be loved by all his companions with such ease. Not when Akechi had never had anything of the sort. Now, ever since taking up the identity of Crow, Akechi's hatred is trained on Joker's false sense of righteousness. He hates the way it draws him in, like a moth to an open flame, fluttering at danger's edge. Akechi hates how it forces him to confront his own ideals again and again, how he twists and turns his justice as if examining an uncrackable puzzle. He compares it to Joker's, and he is left with the hot bubbling of anger in his stomach, outraged at his own temptation to throw away everything he has spent his life working for. Akechi hates Joker for extending his hand. He hates Joker for showing mercy. 

Joker calls him 'a part of the group.'

Akechi is not a part of anything. 

* * *

Which one is real? Which one is the fake, the carefully crafted mask? Akira? Joker? 

Lines are blurred. Akechi has seen Joker’s smile in the real world. Not Akira's smug smirks, but Joker's smile, devious and genuine. Joker shows himself when he wins a game of chess, or when he tempts Akechi up into Leblanc's attic late at night. Akechi has seen Akira's smile in the Metaverse, sweet and honey-thick, when they're alone together in a safe room, or when he cares for Akechi's wounds after battle. 

Akira. Joker.

They aren't black and white, Akechi realizes, but rather they are gray. 

Both are masks. Both are genuine.

Yet another connection that Akechi shares with him. 

* * *

It doesn't take very long after his Phantom Thief initiation for Akechi to lose himself entirely. Akira’s smile no longer fills him with a desire to crack his teeth and squeeze his throat. Joker's smile no longer stirs his boiling anger until it bubbles dangerously close to the edge. Instead, Akechi wants. He craves Akira. He craves Joker. He hungrily chases the warm, heavy fulfillment that both leave him with. Akechi is in love, completely and hopelessly.

Selfishly, he dreams of having them to himself. 

Foolishly, he dreams of this lasting. 

* * *

In the silence of the interrogation room, Akechi raises the gun, aiming it directly at the enigma before him. A moment of hesitation, and then it smiles in return. 

Akira? Joker?

Akechi fails to tell who. 

He then realizes that this has been a game between them. One he’s lost.

**Author's Note:**

> i made this 2 months ago. akechi if youre out there


End file.
